Google Makes Me Sad

The homepage on my laptop is currently set to google.com. When setting up my homepage it seemed like the most logical choice. After all, very often I log on to the internet to search for something. I thought to myself, “Hey, this will cut down on time wasted hitting the button for google on my taskbar. 12 seconds saved every time. Excellent.” After nearly 2 years with this as my homepage I can safely say: I’ve made a huge mistake. Why, you ask? It’s very simple: google makes me sad.

Google is undeniably an ingenious tool. Able to use your search terminology to link you to millions of websites, sorted by assumed relevancy, google puts the entire realm of the internet neatly at your fingertips. Want to know how much the average elephant weighs? Google has the answer! Wondering where you should vacation at this time of year? Here are some suggestions and even some handy links to hotels, car rental companies, and a list of things to do there. Want to post your intimate or not so intimate thoughts online for everyone to read? Google has the blog site for you!

Google’s tagline may as well be: you’re only limited by your own imagination. Well, thanks, google. You’ve opened my eyes to the fact that I have no imagination. Thanks a lot.

To fully understand the problem, I must describe my average google interaction…

Google.com sits on my computer screen. I stare.

I’ve gone through my normal internet interactions – checked email, scanned the usual sites – and am now at a loss. I should search for something.

I sit. I stare.

Now, let’s not kid ourselves here. Google is staring back. Ever wonder why it is called google? I’m sure there is some nifty explanation google creators can offer you (hmm…there may be something to google there), but I know the truth. The double “o”s are eyes, looking out at me, daring me to enter something clever, something to stump the beast.

We sit. We stare.

Suddenly, I hear google in my mind: “Nothing to search for yet? You’re only limited by your own imagination. I can find anything. I can take you anywhere. There are no limits to my ingenuity. Can you say the same? Search for something. Go on. It can’t be that hard to think of a search topic.”

I gape at the screen.

It’s true! I am the weak link in this relationship. What can I search for? What do I want to know? It shouldn’t be something too stupid – the beast will mock me. It can’t be something too broad – google will simply flood me with information and sites to show me my errors in search methodology. What can I do??

Google smirks.

I can’t think of anything to search for. I can’t think of anything to enter. Finally, I just start typing. I pick a word, any word: marzipan.

Google starts typing with me. It’s thinking faster than I am! It’s providing ideas. The beast knows it has me beat, that I don’t really know what I’m searching for or what I’m doing and it is now showing me up by providing possible expansions to my sham search. I cannot win. Google has more imagination than I do. I quickly delete everything. I can’t let it win.

Google stares. My heart races, my fingers hover over the keyboard, my mind races for a search topic – any topic.

Nothing. Still nothing.

My hand leaves the keyboard and moves to the mouse. I have only one move left. I close my web browser.

I breathe a sigh of relief. The battle is over. I'll call it a draw (I did, after all, close the program - shutting down the beast for at least a time, that has to count as a draw), but I'm sadder now than I was before. Google has reminded me again that I have less imagination than I had thought.

And there you have it. Each day I open my computer and face this unending battle with the great google beast. Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose, and the war rages on. There in a nutshell, is why google makes me sad.