Advice for Driving in Oregon

One of the best pieces of advice that can be given to any driver, be they new drivers or old, is patience. When you get behind the wheel of your vehicle, try to infuse your being with as much patience as possible, because it’s guaranteed to be fully used up by the time you get to where you’re going. Especially if you live in Oregon.

Oregon is filled with ridiculous drivers. Should you ever choose to drive in this state, here is some advice that will serve you well.

1. Think like the tortoise ‘cause you’ll never be the hare. Drivers are slow – if the speed limit is posted at 55 mph (and it is on all major highways and freeways for some reason), then drivers are going 55 mph. Drivers in Oregon have yet to realize two very pertinent pieces of information: (1) Some of us have places to go and people to see and 55 mph just isn’t cutting it, and (2) Cops really aren’t going to pull you over if you’re a mere 4 miles over the speed limit. But, as it seems unlikely Oregon drivers are going to get that memo anytime soon, accept that you are going to be forced to drive at a ridiculously slow speed. Think like the tortoise.

2. During the months of September and October, be prepared for even slower driving. This is the time when summer ends in Oregon and the rains that we *ahem* enjoy *ahem* for 9 months or more once again begin. Now, most non-Oregonians would assume that having had a mere 3 months of clear weather, Oregon drivers would not have forgotten how to drive in the rain. Having dealt with this strange breed for three years now, however, I can tell you that is not the case – they have forgotten and they are scared. That is the only possible explanation for what happens during the first month of the rainy season. As soon as that first drop hits the ground, every driver in Oregon slows down an additional 10-15 mph. Suddenly the roads are full of creeping vehicles. Instead of the usual 40 mph down Boones Ferry Road in Lake Oswego (the main road which I drive and which can easily be driven at 55 mph – not that I have ever driven it that fast), cars are traveling at 30 mph where the road is straight and slowing down to 20 mph around curves. Ridiculous, but true. My advice, be prepared for delays and wait until December, when the rainy season has fully set in and Oregonians have remembered that, yes, they can drive the speed limit even in the rain.

3. If it’s snowing outside, just stay in. Really. You don’t want to even ask. If Oregonians slow down that much in the rain, just imagine how they drive in the snow. It will save your sanity if you just stay inside as soon as the first flake of snow comes down. Trust me.

4. Drive a fun little sports car ‘cause the roads here are a full time obstacle course. The roads in Oregon abound with manhole covers. I’m not sure what it is about this state, but for some reason Oregon roads have millions of manhole covers – easily a dozen on a single city block. I often wonder where these manhole covers could possibly lead. Are there really that many tunnels, pipes, etc. under our roads? Where exactly can they all lead? And why are so many of them set so low in the street that there is a good 5 inch drop from the road height to the manhole cover? These are questions that will never be answered, but that trouble anyone driving in Oregon. The only way to survive without going crazy at the constant bumps and bangs? Treat driving in Oregon like driving on an obstacle course. Dodge and weave around the manholes as best you can and soon you’ll be proficient as an obstacle course driver. There can’t be any better training around.

5. Workers ahead. Be prepared to stop. Oregon is a land of unemployed individuals (including yours truly at the moment). When I first moved here in 2009 Oregon had the second highest unemployment rate in the US and while I’m not sure if that statistic holds true today, I can’t imagine it’s gotten much better in the meantime. When you first drive into Oregon from any of the surrounding states, you’ll begin to notice a sign on all the major roads – “ODOT – Putting Oregon Back to Work.” Unless you’re here during the 3 months of sun we enjoy from June – August you probably won’t have any idea what this means, but if you manage to visit Oregon during it’s summer (sunny) months, you’ll constantly be slowing down, starting and stopping, or just sitting, while road construction halts traffic every 500 feet or so. That’s right. Oregon’s response to unemployment is (1) make it mandatory that gas station attendants pump your gas (a wonderful service since I no longer have to pump gas in the rain) and (2) put Oregonian’s to work doing road construction (this might explain the plethora of manhole covers actually). So when you’re in Oregon remember: Workers ahead. Be prepared to stop.