(Let's start with a rant)
*Singing* Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat...
Whoops! That's not a Lauren Moser original poem and it's not even Christmas yet. So why are all the stores and towns decorating for Christmas already? It's just wrong!
1) It's November, people. Not December.
2) Thanksgiving comes first - you're hurting Thanksgiving's feelings by starting to celebrate Christmas already.
3) If you start celebrating Christmas now you will be totally sick of it by December 15 and then you will be a Grinch on the actual day of Christmas.
4) We force non-Christmas celebrators to deal with our overwhelming Christmas spirit for the entire month of December while usually completely overlooking other holiday traditions. Let's not start doing this an entire month early.
(Moving on)
And so, in protest, I've written a Thanksgiving celebratory poem for you all to enjoy.
November is ending,
The month is soon gone,
But before it will leave us,
We must all get along.
For this is the month,
We look to family and friends,
To give thanks for each other,
Consider broken fences we'll mend.
At least that is what,
My dear mother would say,
About this time of year,
And that one special Thursday.
In my humble opinion,
Should you inquire,
The focus is the food,
And sitting warm by the fire.
All that thanks giving stuff,
Is well and good, I suppose,
But aren't we all together,
To eat our fill in repose?
Did I miss then the spirit,
Of this one special day?
Is it about us coming together,
On the Thanksgiving holiday?
I'll have to give this some thought,
Some consideration is due,
With my feet up while I eat,
As I let it all stew.
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Say Goodbye to Summer
The weather has turned in Portland, Oregon. We went from clear and sunny skies to bitter cold in no time at all and I'm still having trouble adjusting. It's even influencing my lunchtime poetry...
Goodbye to Summer, Hello to Winter
The summer has gone and we must say goodbye,
To warm sunny days and crystal clear skies.
Let's bid a cool welcome to unrelenting gray,
That is all we shall see these short winter days.
It's back to the raincoats and tall boots for us all,
And don't lose your umbrella at the start of late fall.
I forgot mine this morning and what should occur,
But a sudden downpour as I stepped to the curb.
I ran toward the Courthouse quick as a flash,
But I was soon soaked despite my mad dash.
I should have expected the sudden appearance of rain,
In a city where "Why can't it be dry??" is a constant refrain.
Good luck to us all at the start of winter I say,
And let's hunker down and wait for spring in late May.
Snow in November
What is this white stuff coming down?
It's settling in piles on the ground.
There's a bitter chill in the air,
You can't escape it anywhere.
I understand the rain and gray,
That shadows Portland every day.
But what is this fluff that I now see,
That's falling down in front of me?
Someone told me it is snow,
Do I trust them? I just don't know.
I don't like it, I must say,
Make it leave and stay away.
Goodbye to Summer, Hello to Winter
The summer has gone and we must say goodbye,
To warm sunny days and crystal clear skies.
Let's bid a cool welcome to unrelenting gray,
That is all we shall see these short winter days.
It's back to the raincoats and tall boots for us all,
And don't lose your umbrella at the start of late fall.
I forgot mine this morning and what should occur,
But a sudden downpour as I stepped to the curb.
I ran toward the Courthouse quick as a flash,
But I was soon soaked despite my mad dash.
I should have expected the sudden appearance of rain,
In a city where "Why can't it be dry??" is a constant refrain.
Good luck to us all at the start of winter I say,
And let's hunker down and wait for spring in late May.
Snow in November
What is this white stuff coming down?
It's settling in piles on the ground.
There's a bitter chill in the air,
You can't escape it anywhere.
I understand the rain and gray,
That shadows Portland every day.
But what is this fluff that I now see,
That's falling down in front of me?
Someone told me it is snow,
Do I trust them? I just don't know.
I don't like it, I must say,
Make it leave and stay away.
Monday, November 10, 2014
Taco Salad Thursdays & Lunchtime Poetry
As many of you probably know, I am a clerk at the Multnomah County Circuit Court in downtown Portland, Oregon. My job is an interesting one and no one day is just like another. I've learned so much about being a good lawyer (and a bad lawyer - you cannot believe the number of truly terrible attorneys out there), working with people (I am the person everyone talks to when they come into the courtroom which includes attorneys, defendants, distraught family members and assorted others), and more about drug and alcohol addictions than I ever cared to know. It turns out, working at the Courthouse can be a somewhat distressing and depressing place. You see a lot of people at their absolute worst be they hardened criminals or one person suing another for half a million dollars because he slipped and fell in a parking lot during a snowstorm. It can be very disheartening. Which is why it's so important to keep a bit of levity in your life. The email system at the Courthouse comes with its own instant messaging feature (Sametime) which allows clerks, judges, judicial assistants and other Courthouse staff to instantly communicate for questions, updates on late hearings (odds are even your first hearing of the day will run late), updates on late attorneys (criminal attorneys are always late and civil attorneys are always early) and gossip (the Courthouse is rife with delicious gossip at all times - imagine the scene with the Mayor's wife in The Music Man and you'll come close to how the Courthouse functions). But for all we love gossip, it's almost impossible to find time to gossip together. In fact, its easy to go days without spending time with your fellow clerks beyond quickly passing each other in the hall as you dash off to fax paperwork to the jail or send license suspensions to the DMV. If you want to spend any quality time with your fellow clerks it is up to you to carve that time out. The easiest solution is lunch.
Thursday Clerk Lunch began not long after I started working at the Courthouse. Two friends from law school were working there before I was hired on and every Thursday they would go just one block down from the Courthouse to the Standard building for Taco Salad Thursday. As soon as I began working at the Courthouse they invited me along. It didn't take too long before others were invited and Thursday Clerk Lunch became a popular and widely attended event. The Standard building has a dining hall on the first level complete with a food court where you can buy sandwiches, salads, fruit cups, hamburgers and an item that varies based on the day of the week (taco salads on Thursdays, woks on Fridays - get it? Frydays.). Well, my friend Sean is a sucker for those taco salads and it became the place for clerks to meet and have lunch on Thursdays. The dining hall setup allows those who wish to bring food from other places nearby or from home to do so and soon the group became so big that it took up two tables jammed together and us all smashed together like sardines. Now, I've never had a problem remembering Thursday Clerk Lunch. After all, it happens every Thursday and like the ubiquitous "Taco Tuesday," "Taco Salad Thursday" just seems to roll off the tongue. My fellow clerks, however, had a much harder time and it somehow it fell to me to remind everyone of our Thursday lunch plans. When this enterprise started it was not difficult to email the three or four names of people who came, but as those people began to invite others and still more people joined it became a bit unwieldy. I often had trouble remembering everyone to invite which led to some hurt feelings and questions of "why didn't you email me? do you not want me to come?" Ugh. Honestly, I've never understood that thought process. Why would I purposefully not include you? Maybe I just forgot your name on the list as it has grown to include about 25 people. To forestall this annoyance I created a master list in my email and when someone new expresses an interest in coming to clerk lunch I add them to receive my email blasts. It's a system that works.
At first the emails were simple reminders of when and where the lunches were held, but as this information was always the same (Standard dining hall at noon or whenever you can get there), this soon became too tedious. And so I began to jazz the reminders up a bit. At first I would include funny anecdotes or just random thoughts, but it soon became apparent that only about half the people on the list actually read the emails. This led to a series of emails that would include one nice message inviting those who read it to lunch and one message with a curse upon those who failed to read the email. These emails continued for a couple of months before I became bored with that as well. Then one day inspiration hit and i wrote out a small poem as a lunch time reminder a la Shel Silverstein. Well, I found a way to make people read my emails. Only two minutes after I sent out the email I received a dozen or so responses via Sametime praising my cleverness and in awe of my rhyming prowess. This blew me away. For years I've been writing little poems or rhymes whenever I'm bored or feeling inspired. It's just a way to pass the time and a nice way to stretch my mental muscles. Honestly, I figured everyone did this at some point, but if the responses to my poem were any indication this really isn't the case. It was pretty flattering and, I won't lie, I enjoyed the attention. The next week however saw a return to form to the usual simple reminder of Thursday Clerk Lunch. And if I thought I got a response with my poem it was nothing to the response to the lack of poem. People went crazy! I received about 20 responses from people saying they wouldn't come without a poem and they didn't think it was a real invitation because there was no poem attached. Clerks even stopped me in the hall that day to ask why they didn't receive a poem.
I learned my lesson and the next week I gave the people what they wanted, another poem reminder of Thursday Clerk Lunch. Now, every week I write a poem that is either an explicit reminder of the lunch or just something that inspired me that day. I've kept all those poems in a book and after some prodding from family and friends have decided to share them with all of you (probably those same family and friends and no others if we're being honest about my readership here) via this blog. To start this off right, I'll include both my first lunchtime poem and a seasonally appropriate one that I wrote just two weeks ago. I hope you enjoy them...
Ode to Taco Salad - August 2014
A quick trip just down the street,
Will lead you to something you're dying to eat.
A base of lettuce to begin the thing,
Then some chips to give it zing.
Add some rice for a little flavor,
Then some meat that you can savor.
Toppings abound for you to choose,
Try them all and you cannot lose.
Then come along and find a table,
Friends will join you when they are able.
Does this not sound fun and tasty?
If it doesn't, don't be hasty...
Come for company only if that is your wish,
And bring your own delicious dish.
Hear me now: Come one, come all,
And meet us high noon at the Standard dining hall!
Halloween - October 2014
Hear this warning, one and all,
We have entered middle fall,
That wicked, dangerous time of year,
When blood will curdle from the fear,
Of ghoulies, ghosties, things that crawl,
Things that slither or cast a pall,
Over groups, when you're alone,
There is no safety, even at home.
Shut the door, turn on the lights,
Make sure to stay awake all night.
Tomorrow is All Hallow's Eve,
A night of revelry and evil deeds.
There is no haven in the woods,
Nor in your local neighborhoods.
Some have tried a local church,
But that is where the devils search.
Perhaps you'll go to a cemetery,
But the dead may rise - I wouldn't tarry.
I would share with you my hiding place.
No. It must stay secret, it must stay safe.
I say to you "Good luck on Halloween,"
Whether you survive remains to be seen.
Thursday Clerk Lunch began not long after I started working at the Courthouse. Two friends from law school were working there before I was hired on and every Thursday they would go just one block down from the Courthouse to the Standard building for Taco Salad Thursday. As soon as I began working at the Courthouse they invited me along. It didn't take too long before others were invited and Thursday Clerk Lunch became a popular and widely attended event. The Standard building has a dining hall on the first level complete with a food court where you can buy sandwiches, salads, fruit cups, hamburgers and an item that varies based on the day of the week (taco salads on Thursdays, woks on Fridays - get it? Frydays.). Well, my friend Sean is a sucker for those taco salads and it became the place for clerks to meet and have lunch on Thursdays. The dining hall setup allows those who wish to bring food from other places nearby or from home to do so and soon the group became so big that it took up two tables jammed together and us all smashed together like sardines. Now, I've never had a problem remembering Thursday Clerk Lunch. After all, it happens every Thursday and like the ubiquitous "Taco Tuesday," "Taco Salad Thursday" just seems to roll off the tongue. My fellow clerks, however, had a much harder time and it somehow it fell to me to remind everyone of our Thursday lunch plans. When this enterprise started it was not difficult to email the three or four names of people who came, but as those people began to invite others and still more people joined it became a bit unwieldy. I often had trouble remembering everyone to invite which led to some hurt feelings and questions of "why didn't you email me? do you not want me to come?" Ugh. Honestly, I've never understood that thought process. Why would I purposefully not include you? Maybe I just forgot your name on the list as it has grown to include about 25 people. To forestall this annoyance I created a master list in my email and when someone new expresses an interest in coming to clerk lunch I add them to receive my email blasts. It's a system that works.
At first the emails were simple reminders of when and where the lunches were held, but as this information was always the same (Standard dining hall at noon or whenever you can get there), this soon became too tedious. And so I began to jazz the reminders up a bit. At first I would include funny anecdotes or just random thoughts, but it soon became apparent that only about half the people on the list actually read the emails. This led to a series of emails that would include one nice message inviting those who read it to lunch and one message with a curse upon those who failed to read the email. These emails continued for a couple of months before I became bored with that as well. Then one day inspiration hit and i wrote out a small poem as a lunch time reminder a la Shel Silverstein. Well, I found a way to make people read my emails. Only two minutes after I sent out the email I received a dozen or so responses via Sametime praising my cleverness and in awe of my rhyming prowess. This blew me away. For years I've been writing little poems or rhymes whenever I'm bored or feeling inspired. It's just a way to pass the time and a nice way to stretch my mental muscles. Honestly, I figured everyone did this at some point, but if the responses to my poem were any indication this really isn't the case. It was pretty flattering and, I won't lie, I enjoyed the attention. The next week however saw a return to form to the usual simple reminder of Thursday Clerk Lunch. And if I thought I got a response with my poem it was nothing to the response to the lack of poem. People went crazy! I received about 20 responses from people saying they wouldn't come without a poem and they didn't think it was a real invitation because there was no poem attached. Clerks even stopped me in the hall that day to ask why they didn't receive a poem.
I learned my lesson and the next week I gave the people what they wanted, another poem reminder of Thursday Clerk Lunch. Now, every week I write a poem that is either an explicit reminder of the lunch or just something that inspired me that day. I've kept all those poems in a book and after some prodding from family and friends have decided to share them with all of you (probably those same family and friends and no others if we're being honest about my readership here) via this blog. To start this off right, I'll include both my first lunchtime poem and a seasonally appropriate one that I wrote just two weeks ago. I hope you enjoy them...
Ode to Taco Salad - August 2014
A quick trip just down the street,
Will lead you to something you're dying to eat.
A base of lettuce to begin the thing,
Then some chips to give it zing.
Add some rice for a little flavor,
Then some meat that you can savor.
Toppings abound for you to choose,
Try them all and you cannot lose.
Then come along and find a table,
Friends will join you when they are able.
Does this not sound fun and tasty?
If it doesn't, don't be hasty...
Come for company only if that is your wish,
And bring your own delicious dish.
Hear me now: Come one, come all,
And meet us high noon at the Standard dining hall!
Halloween - October 2014
Hear this warning, one and all,
We have entered middle fall,
That wicked, dangerous time of year,
When blood will curdle from the fear,
Of ghoulies, ghosties, things that crawl,
Things that slither or cast a pall,
Over groups, when you're alone,
There is no safety, even at home.
Shut the door, turn on the lights,
Make sure to stay awake all night.
Tomorrow is All Hallow's Eve,
A night of revelry and evil deeds.
There is no haven in the woods,
Nor in your local neighborhoods.
Some have tried a local church,
But that is where the devils search.
Perhaps you'll go to a cemetery,
But the dead may rise - I wouldn't tarry.
I would share with you my hiding place.
No. It must stay secret, it must stay safe.
I say to you "Good luck on Halloween,"
Whether you survive remains to be seen.
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