I
have a serious question. What is the best policy when it comes to anticipation?
If you are anticipating a big trip, a potential job offer, a visit from friends
or family, or some other event in your life, what is the best policy? Should
you try to tone down your anticipation so that you won't be disappointed if the
event doesn't live up to your expectations or should you just let yourself go
and be excited beyond belief? And is it even possible to choose? Is the idea of
this choice to tamp down our anticipation really just a fallacy we create in
our minds? I'm really not sure.
In
recent months I was rejected from a job I really wanted. I knew it was a
competitive position and that hundreds of people had applied. But I also knew
(wrongly, I suppose) that I was perfect for the job. So, when I received an
opportunity to interview I was extremely excited, but I also kind of expected
it. (I know that sounds a little cocky, but my resume seriously fit the job
description and I had a couple friends on the inside talking me up.) Now, I
tried to temper my excitement and expectations and thought I did a pretty good
job of it. In fact, I even told myself that I had no expectations of really
getting the job. But then came the dreaded rejection letter and I was flummoxed
and somewhat heartbroken. No matter how much I had told myself I tamped down my
anticipation, I was still taken by surprise. I couldn't tone down my
anticipation and I felt the effect of underwhelmed expectations that we've all
felt from time to time.
But
maybe that was just a one time situation. Are there situations in which you can
actually tone down your anticipation of an event such that you won't feel that
epic disappointment if things don't go your way or live up to your
expectations? Prior to this job rejection fiasco I would have answered
immediately in the affirmative. I have always lived my life tamping down on the
negative. When I feel seriously stressed, out of sorts, out of control,
unhappy, or any other negative emotions my first instinct is to always tamp
them down. Just shove those feelings into a little ball in the bottom of my
stomach and hope that eventually they will all go away and I just won't have to
deal with them while I put on a happy (or at least fairly neutral) face to the
world. (This, of course, is not to say that I am not occasionally grumpy or
irritated. I think we all know I get into those moods from time to time,
particularly, according to my family, when I'm hungry.) And since anticipation
can so easily lead to disappointment, I've tried to tamp down on my
anticipation as much as possible as well. Even when it's something that I just
know will be wonderful, I try to bring myself down to earth just in case. I've
always thought I was successful, but now, after my recent experience, I've been
wondering about whether I've been successful at it at all a great deal.
And
I suppose this all ultimately leads to the question of whether people even should
temper their anticipation (assuming it's possible). There is, of course, the classic
argument that if you don't have high expectations, then you won't ever really
be disappointed. But I'm not entirely sure that's a good thing. Yes, if your
expectations are dashed it can bring you to the lowest of lows, but if your
expectations are met and all that anticipation was for a good reason, then you
will reach the highest of highs. Nothing feels quite as sweet as that moment
when everything you anticipated comes to fruition. Like those events where you
have a perfect moment on a trip you've been waiting for for so long - that
moment of peace and fulfillment when you reach the top of the trail after a
long hike and the view is just as beautiful and soul changing as you could have
ever hoped - or when a visit with your family goes just as you wanted full of
laughter, love, and joy. Would those feelings be as good if you had spent all
the time leading up to them tamping down your anticipation of the event,
essentially expecting the worst (or at least something a little bad)? Isn't it
better to maybe just let yourself go, expecting the best out of life and out of
everything that's coming? Sure, you'll be disappointed from time to time and
that will never feel good, but when those perfect moments occur, they are just
all the sweeter.
I don't know that there's any one
answer or if one option is a healthier outlook for life than the other. I
guess, for myself, I would like to move in a direction of positivity.
Anticipating all the good things that will come my way in life and that
everything will turn out just the way I imagined. And considering the other
method didn't work so well for me, it seems like a solid plan going forward. Of
course, this all leads to the issue of negative expectations and whether you
should hope for the best in those situations, but that's a conversation for
another day.
