Betrayal

Day in Review:

7:00 am - Woke up and got ready for my day 

8:13 am - Spent past 20 minutes chasing Ernest around my house in order to put him into his carrier and take him to the vet. This required not only chasing Ernest across every inch of the floor, but also reaching into his cat house – his “safe space.” Early in our relationship Ernest and I came to an agreement that I would never bother him if he was in his house. That way, if he was ever feeling scared or anxious, he could simply hide in his house and be safe. Now, however, that safe space is gone. After I attempted to pull him out, Ernest ran around the house some more before I finally trapped him in the downstairs bathroom.  By the time I got him into his carrier, he was snorting, trembling, and looking at me with eyes that said, “Et tu, Brute?”

8:15 am - Cleaned my wounds and washed away the blood from where Ernest gouged my hands in his attempts to escape me.

8:17 am - Arrived at vet's office for Ernest's checkup. At every noise, Ernest tensed up a little more and his eyes got a little bigger. By the time we went in to see the vet he was almost catatonic with fear.

9:00 am - Convinced vet that I couldn't ever catch Ernest like that again and that they would have to fix him today. The vet was forced to wrap Ernest in a towel to take him out of his carrier and put him on the exam table so that the little guy would feel safe. I spent the whole exam brushing him in an attempt to calm him down, but he just kept looking up at me with utter betrayal on his face. I couldn’t ever do that to him again. The vet had to get everything done today.

9:08 am - Left Ernest at vet's office to get fixed; look of hurt and sadness on his face will haunt me forever. As the vet carried him out of the exam room and into the back area with other cats and dogs, Ernest tried to curl himself into as small a ball as possible.

9:15-11:48 am - Worried constantly about how Ernest was doing. I knew that holding out hope for forgiveness for my actions today was pointless, but I couldn’t help thinking that maybe he would remember our past 10 happy(ish) months together and that they would count for something. Maybe one small breach of trust wouldn’t ruin our future friendship.

11:49 am - Heard from vet that Ernest made it through just fine and that he is now officially a eunuch. All I wanted was to stop the nightly yowling.

3:00 pm - Arrived at vet's office to pick Ernest up. He wouldn’t look at me.

3:18 pm - Let Ernest out of his carrier at home. He slunk out of his carrier like he expected to be kicked. Tragic.

4:45-7:17 pm - Endured constant dirty and hateful looks from Ernest; now afraid he will try to kill me in my sleep.

7:18 pm - Have now accepted that Ernest will never forgive me for my betrayal. I fear our friendship is forever lost.